


He does not love you

by plead_guilty_but_insane



Category: Free!
Genre: #sourin, #yeah they get together eventually, Angst, Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Nightmares, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, a lil bit tbh, im sorry, sous is oblivious, they're oblivious till they aren't, this turns into fluff oh dear, welp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-04-17 15:49:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4672388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plead_guilty_but_insane/pseuds/plead_guilty_but_insane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Where Rin has nightmares and Sousuke is there for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreams

Sousuke woke to darkness, and sharp breaths cutting it like a knife. Even as his eyes were adjusting to the dark he rolled over and looked down. On the bottom bunk, curled up into a ball, he could make out Rin’s shivering outline.

Sousuke did not panic as he silently climbed down the bunk bed. Rin was frequently plagued with nightmares, and the latter knew how to handle them.

“Rin,” he whispered, sliding into the bottom bunk and pulling the shaking body to him.

He recalled how terrified he was the first time he’d witnessed Rin experiencing a nightmare. Sosuke had not known what to do with the crying boy who was constantly shifting from subconscious to consciousness. It took him a while to learn that all it needed was to hold Rin close and a few quiet words of assurance.

During the mornings after, Rin did not acknowledge the nightmare and Sousuke was left to wonder whether he’d just forgotten it or did not wish to dwell upon it. Either way, it was a curse and a blessing at the same time.

Sousuke happened to be in love with a very oblivious Rin.

He was wrenched back to reality when he felt Rin tremble against him.

 _He does not love you_ , Sousuke had to forcefully remind himself, as Rin’s arms snaked across his torso, holding him tightly.

 _He does not love you_. Rin curled into him, fitting into Sousuke like a perfect puzzle piece.

 _He does not love you_. Rin’s lips touched Sousuke’s collar bone and a deep sigh told Sousuke that the smaller male was now fast asleep.

By the next morning Rin would have no recollection of this unconscious intimacy.

_He does not love you._

How could Sousuke have gotten into this? He was basically taking advantage of the one person he loved, revelling in how he needed human contact and taking it too far. Rin would never forgive him if he found out.

But Sousuke did not, could not, stop what he was doing. Rin needed him, he needed someone to help him float as the tidal wave of nightmares crashed upon him night after night.

 _And also_ , he had to remind himself, that he craved Rin’s touch. It was innocent yet intimate, summing up Rin perfectly. Sousuke felt something claw in him when he realized that Rin needed him.

 _He does not love you_.

By now Sousuke has gathered what Rin’s dreams comprise of: the underlying theme of failure. The worst is that Rin had already lived out this dream in Australia. This meant it was harder for Rin to distinguish between dream and reality, or in this case, nightmare and reality.

The only thing that could help Rin was the warmth Sousuke had to offer and Rin took it readily, desperate to draw the line between the two.

Sousuke knew this first hand, the reminder forceful as Rin’s arms reached for him in the darkness.

 _He does not love you_.

The next morning Sousuke found himself alone on the bottom bunk, Rin presumably out at the crack of dawn for his daily jogging. How he managed to get up at that unearthly hour, Sousuke wondered, and he walked around the room slightly disoriented at having just woken up.

He flung open the curtains and let out a soft curse as the light it his eyes. Looking down he caught sight of Rin, panting as he slowed to a walk. Rin looked up almost as if he knew Sousuke would be there and as soon as they locked eyes he grinned widely.

Sousuke felt a pang in his chest as he looked at that radiant smile.

 

_He does not love you._


	2. Colour

Rin woke to a soft light hitting his eyes and an unimaginably comfortable warmth source. While the situation would have made some people happy, it only filled Rin with a sickening feeling. It had happened again. He’d had a nightmare. _Again._

He pulled on his jacket and virtually ran out of the room, refusing to deal with the still sleeping Sousuke on his bed. Rin hated this part, because when he jogged his mind was free, and it kept going back to Sousuke.

The first time Rin had a nightmare in Sousuke’s presence, it was admittedly easier to deal with, but Rin had been downright embarrassed that Sousuke had seen him like that.

 _Does he hate me?_ Rin had wondered often. Why would Sousuke, or anyone for that matter, like someone who could not even sleep at night? Who was such an emotional wreck?

Sousuke must have climbed down in pity, Rin thought grimly. He didn’t even want to think of what he must have done that made Sousuke decide to sleep in his bed. Maybe he’d screamed, or worse.

The very first morning he’d woken to Sousuke in his bed, the older male had overslept, perhaps kept awake by Rin’s nightmares. Rin had went out to jog as per usual, and when he returned, Sousuke had not even brought the topic of last night to notice.

 _All right,_ Rin had steeled himself. So, Sousuke did not want to acknowledge it. That was understandable. Why would Sousuke bother discussing these things in the first place? Rin had thus reasoned, and decided to go along with it.

However, it got harder and harder for him, when he frequently woke up to Sousuke and him wrapped up tightly in each other. The warmth Sousuke emitted was deliciously fulfilling, and it was near impossible to pull away from it.

 _He does not love you_ , Rin reminded himself almost every morning as he woke to maybe the one man he loved in his bed.

Rin was almost at his wits’ end now. It had almost come to a point where he anticipated Sousuke climbing down and pulling Rin to him.

During his nightmares everything was a blur, but some moments he could make out clearly, as though they were etched into his memory.

The very first time Sousuke held him, and after that how he would stroke his hair, and the quiet yet strong words of encouragement he gave.

And when Sousuke slept next to Rin, the younger male did not have nightmares.

He had dreams.

Rin saw colours in them, mainly, and they clashed together spectacularly, and he watched breathlessly as the sky turned into a canvas. The colours would vary almost every time, but one constant colour remained: a beautiful teal blue.

It was the colour of the sea, stretched out so long no bit of land was in sight, and so calm it was not even shadowed by the thought of a storm.

It was the shade of ocean when the sun would gently kiss it, sunlight streaming through the water almost carelessly like yet another silver scaled fish.

It was the deep hue of a brook trickling through a green forest, and the sound of the water echoed throughout the quiet flora and fauna.

Rin had tried several times to locate that colour in reality, after all, he must have seen it if he could dream of it. His imagination could not have created such an amazing hue. He’d pored through art guides and the likes in his free time, and even gone to an art supplies store to search for that colour, or possibly recreate it. None of these attempts had worked, and it had left Rin understandably upset.

Now, Rin took a sharp turn as he ran next to the walls of his dorm. He was getting tired, and involuntarily slowing into a walk. Feeling a pair of watchful eyes on him, he looked up and his breath left him in one swift motion.

Standing there was Sousuke, and as the sun hit him, his eyes were brighter than usual, and they were the same teal blue that had featured so many times in his dreams. Rin could almost see the colours of his dreams erupting around Sousuke, his rare eyes the centerpiece. Rin felt a sense of warmth and security rush into him, and despite himself, found that he was smiling.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave it to me to turn angst into fluff orz


	3. Stars

By the time Rin had reached his dorm, Sousuke had already left, presumably to go downstairs for a round of exercise with the rest of the Samezuka swim team and breakfast after that.

Quickly jumping into the shower, Rin stuck his head under the spray of water, looking down and thinking.

Would this be how his life with Sousuke would continue? Pushing what they shared under the rug, not talking about it, or even acknowledging it for that matter?

Could he handle that? Being so close and yet impossibly far at the same time?

Rin did not want to find out.

Stepping out of the shower, feeling heavy with emotion, Rin stopped in front of their bunk bed, resting his forehead on the cool metal rods of Sousuke’s top berth.

Almost immediately Sousuke’s scent washed over him, filling his head and leaving him quite dizzy. As a reflex, Rin closed his eyes, which turned out to be a bad idea because the next thing he saw was that mesmerizing teal blue, again surrounded by brilliant bursts of color which invaded his thoughts.

Rin hummed lightly as the colors danced across his vision, idly wondering if it was natural that they didn’t fade away. He had decidedly burnt that sight into his memory, and was thankful for it.

“….Rin?”

The redhead gasped, started, and as a result slipped; his head banging painfully on the metal rod. Sousuke, the one responsible for aforementioned injury, gasped in horror as Rin clutched his head and slid down to sit on his bed.

“Oh god, Rin, I’m so sorry, let me look at it-!”

“Sousuke, I think I can see stars…” Rin muttered.

_“What?!_ Let me look at that at once!!”

“No, it’s all right, I think I-” Rin began again, and to Sousuke’s horror, promptly collapsed.

_“Rin!”_

**

Sousuke leaned over the now unconscious male in desperation, hastily shoving the hair off his forehead to inspect the injury. He winced when he saw it; it did not look good, to say the least. Quickly dashing out, he ran to the freezer in the common hall shared by the entire dorm and grabbed an ice pack.

Running back to Rin’s side, he gently placed it on his head, and sighed in relief when Rin shivered lightly. At least it wasn’t serious… but Sousuke was sure it was a concussion, and that had to be dealt with swiftly. Reaching over for his cellphone, he dialed the school nurse who assured him they’d be there as soon as possible.

Sousuke looked at the ceiling in a general state of bewilderment. He still couldn’t wrap his head around what had happened yet. His head was too full of thinking about Rin; in fact, the reason why he’d even gone upstairs was to call him down for breakfast. He updated Nitori about the situation, and looked down at Rin again.

As usual, Rin looked like perfection, despite the angry injury on his forehead. It was odd looking at him from this angle; Sousuke was used to leaning over from the top berth and looking down at him as they spoke endlessly through the night, of course unless Rin had a nightmare. More often than not they realized in a state of panic that they’d spoken until daybreak, and had to make do with the little hours of sleep they could get.

Sousuke smiled as he remembered those conversations. They ranged from Gou’s latest idol obsessions to recent breaks in physiotherapy; it was a maze of thought. Often Rin would kick the top of Sousuke’s bed when he said something especially snarky, and that had Sousuke grinning.

He liked spending the night with Rin, if it was talking or being with him during his nightmares. But, he thought, does Rin feel the same?

Sousuke needed to find out as soon as possible, and he was beginning to get a shrewd idea as to exactly how he would go about doing that.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is turning into fluff i am so sorry guys


	4. Warmth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter and I'll end this, I swear. Seriously you guys, thank you so much for sticking with me through this.

Sousuke, if anything, was not one to believe in the subtlety of romance. He simply did not understand the concept of the bitter sweetness of quiet waiting, and stewing in your feelings as the other unblinkingly carried on with their life.

It was perhaps the only thing that really made him and Rin opposites, because the redhead truly did believe in the romance of unsaid words and puzzling gestures, something Sousuke found frustrating. He wanted it out and in the open, simple and clear.

And, he thought, what better way to go about it than to just confess?

\---------------------

Sousuke did his waiting, and he did a lot of it. Every single night he went to bed, he lay awake, waiting for any signs of Rin’s night terrors. He steeled himself every night to confess to Rin, because not telling him was starting to get unbearable. The fact that the younger male would be drifting in and out of consciousness was conveniently pushed away. Sousuke was not one to mull over such details.

However, for four days and nights he had waited, and his feelings were still locked in his heart.

Sousuke was at a loss. Rin had never gone this long without having a nightmare before, and although he was not superstitious, a small part of him was convinced that the only reason that Rin _wasn’t_ having said nightmares was because of Sousuke’s potential confession.

 _All right,_ he admitted to himself. _I’m paranoid about this._

He had every right to be, the teal eyed male mused, lightly biting the nail of his thumb as he stared mindlessly into his locker one evening after practice. This was about the love of his life, and he surely had every right to be paranoid.

Perhaps the worst of it was that he couldn’t even ask Rin about it. Sousuke had often thought about it; just walking over to his childhood friend and beginning an interrogation: _Why aren’t you having nightmares? Do you know that I’m in love with you? How do you feel about that? Do you like me? Will you go out with me?_

It would be so nice to do that, Sousuke thought, as he entertained the idea for a bit. He tried to imagine the expressions Rin would make and surprisingly came up blank. These were the kind of things you just had to see for yourself, he decided, and went back to rummaging in his locker.

\-----------------------

Rin quietly opened the door to their shared room and sighed in relief when he found it empty. Casting furtive looks around, he hurried over to Sousuke’s closet, and, reaching in, pulled out a jacket.

Rin had discovered how to keep his nightmares at bay- and it was by smuggling Sousuke’s clothes into his bed. The scent of his childhood friend allowed him to sleep peacefully at night, he noted, refusing to acknowledge the very stalker-ish implications it meant.

For a few days the lack of waking up next to Sousuke was proof enough that his little experiment was a success, and Rin was thrilled. No more awkward rushing out at ungodly hours, no more strained silences….no more of Sousuke’s warmth around him.

The redhead’s shoulders slumped a little bit.

 _Don’t think of it like that,_ he scolded himself. _Sou was just doing what anyone would do. You’re being selfish._

Rin’s mouth turned down as his brain chided him, and he began absentmindedly knotting the arms of Sousuke’s jacket. As much as he knew it was true, he didn’t want to believe it.

Catching sight of his reflection in the mirror, embarrassment blossomed inside him as he eyed the slightly red mark on his forehead. He had absolutely refused to tell their nurse why he’d been so startled, and so the blame had fallen on Sousuke. What other way to catch your crush’s attention than accusing him of nearly giving you permanent brain damage, Rin thought grimly.

“Rin?”

Rin’s head jerked up, his hands tightening on Sousuke’s jacket. A pair of teal eyes stared back at him, and Rin swallowed.

“I found your jacket on the floor,” Rin stammered out his excuse, and wanted to drown himself in a pool right after. On the floor? What the heck did that mean, they were both relatively tidy, and the floor was the last place any clothing article of theirs would be.

Sousuke’s brow creased, the same thoughts evidently going through his head. “The _floor_? What was it doing there?”

“I knocked it over,” Rin said lamely, weakly waving at the chair next to him.

Sousuke’s eyebrows lifted. “So it was on the chair?”

“I knocked it over when I was going to the bathroom, and then picked it up,” he elaborated, wishing the floor would swallow him at once.

“O…kay? Well, can I have it back, then?”

Rin morosely gave away the only thing that insured him of an embarrassment-free night. He watched Sousuke close the doors to his closet, heart sinking. What would he do now? It was already past curfew, he could do nothing that would get Sousuke out of the room.

Yet again, Sousuke pulled the scarlet eyed male out of his thoughts.

“Aren’t you going to bed?” His foot was already on the first step of the ladder, as he turned back quizzically.

Rin nodded, gathering courage and squaring his shoulders. “Yeah.”

The two, unknown to each other, were gearing up for what was probably going to be the most life changing night for the both of them.


	5. Love

Sousuke stared at the ceiling.

He didn’t exactly know how, but he could feel Rin burning holes into his back from the bottom bed. The dark haired male didn’t dare move; he might end up rustling the sheets, and then Rin would hear, and he might disturb Rin and--

It was an endless cycle, as Sousuke lay there, partially frozen. The room was eerily quiet too, so any sound he might make would definitely be magnified.

 _I might have to confess my love to my childhood friend in a while_ , he thought idly to himself, wondering how then hell he was going to manage that. How could one person screw up his sleep patterns this badly, without saying a word? Sousuke closed his eyes.

He just really, _really_ wanted Rin to fall asleep.

\---------------------------------

_Is he dead?_

Rin scrunched up his face in part confusion and part worry. Sousuke hadn’t budged an inch above him for an abnormally long time. Admittedly he was a relatively quiet sleeper, but this was worrisome, right?

Rin cleared his throat, almost jumping at how unexpectedly loud it was.

“Uh…Sousuke?”

Rin heard a sharp intake of breath before the reply came: “Yeah?”

“Oh, you’re alive,” Rin relaxed, shifting around so he was more comfortable. The slight creak of the bed above him told him Sousuke was doing the same.

“I guess I am,” he replied awkwardly, and they fell into an uncomfortable silence. Rin had no idea what to do. Silences between him and Sousuke were usually perfectly normal and not at all strange.

 _It’s because you kept avoiding talking about your nightmares_ , he chided himself. _Now you’ve made talking at night almost impossible_.

Rin almost felt his heart drop as he realized exactly what his selfishness had cost him.

All of a sudden, a rush of emotion flooded over Rin. He wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , afford to lose Sousuke over something like this- he had to do something, he had to make amends. Rin’s breath hitched as he teetered over the edge of hyperventilation and a possible panic attack.

_He had to tell him, he had to do it-_

\--------------------

Sousuke steeled himself as his life crumbled all around him. Confessing to Rin was perhaps the only plan he’d made up that was moderately good, and it was up in flames. How did he manage to become so unlucky? In a wild moment of desperation his mind flashed to Mikoshiba’s pet beetle. Perhaps it was that, he should have got one himself as well, surely.

Teal eyes slipped shut as he resigned himself to a life with no romance. He would throw his plans out of the window, and be there for Rin if he ever got those nightmares again, when Rin would mold his body into the taller male’s-

_He does not love you._

And when Rin would press his lips into Sousuke’s collarbone as tremors wrecked through his body-

 _He does not love you_.

When Rin would not be able to sleep, if not for his warmth and comfort-

_He does not-_

 

“Sousuke,” Rin’s voice was clear and sharp. “I love you.”

Sousuke’s heart tripped in his chest as he shot up from his bed.

“You- what?”

Sousuke couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, surely this was a dream, a utopia, a fantasy, a trick of the mind-

He had to make sure.

He climbed down the bed, eyes searching through the darkness for Rin. He was sitting up straight on his bed, scarlet eyes sharp and almost glowing.

“I’m in love with you, Sousuke, and it’s only because of you that I-”

Rin’s breath was taken away in a huff as he suddenly found himself engulfed in heat. A pair of lips on his neck grounded him as he snaked his arms around Sousuke and pressed into him.

“Say it again,” an impossibly soft voice commanded.

Rin closed his eyes. “I love you, Sousuke, I’ve loved you for a long time now, and I’ll love you forever.”

Sousuke exhaled quietly as he gently held Rin’s face in his hands, as though his whole world was there. In that moment, Sousuke would have agreed.

“I love you too, Rin.” He said softly. “I’m in love with you.”

Rin held both of Sousuke’s hands and nodded, biting his lips and fighting to hold back tears.

Of course he would cry, Sousuke thought, as his eyes roamed Rin’s face. Of course his eyes would glaze over, just a little bit, his nose scrunching up in the slightest, his teeth digging into his lips- of course he would. This was Rin.

Sousuke leaned over, lips lightly fluttering over Rin’s own, and Rin thought he might collapse. It was too sweet, too perfect, and filled with the love of several unspoken months that nearly had him drowning.

Rin’s lips, Sousuke thought, reminded him of a spring breeze, of bright excited eyes, of childish races taken too seriously, of promises kept for years, and of quiet inside jokes- a laugh here, and a kick in the legs there.

Rin closed his eyes as he rested his forehead against Sousuke’s. They both breathed quietly in the still of the dark, a violent peace settling over the both of them.

Rin reached over to Sousuke, searching for his lips again, and color exploded behind his eyelids as he kissed warmth, love, and comfort.

 

It was a sight he’d never seen before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, guys <3 
> 
> The first work I've ever completed~

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr~! plead-guilty-but-insane.tumblr.com
> 
> Kudos, comments and the likes are mucho appreciated!!


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